Surrendering

I have been struggling.

Scratch that I am struggling with where God is leading me. I need all the prayer I can get, but I'm not sure where to start who to ask and what to do. It's weird for me to even grasp that I don't know where to begin. I know to love God unconditionally and to trust in him and to just surrender to him. I don't know about all of you but it is THE hardest thing I'm facing right now.

Yesterday Courtney and I went to Monte Vista Chapel's high school youth group to A) hear Liz's worship team play and B) hear Matt Hulst speak (he is a friend of Liz's through YWAM). Can I just say I was not planning on going, I was planning on watching TV with my parents, Courtney asked a couple of hours before it started and I said yes (obviously). A few girls from Hilmar where there 2 of which are in the worship team, but they go because they are in high school not just a random person wanting to listen to the guest speaker. What can I say about the worship team? Well they were pretty awesome and I thank God for giving them such an amazing gift to worship and play for him, not to be boastful, but to play whole heartedly.

Now on to the speaker Matt Hulst. Matt is "contagious" when you hear him speak you know the holy spirit is shown through him. He was talking about surrendering you life to God and loving people. I wasn't sure where he was going when he first started speaking, I'm not going to lie but I was distracted by what is going on in my life right now and it took me a little bit to quiet my mind and to just listen to the message. Once that happened it was the most thought provoking inspirational message that I NEEDED to hear. He spoke the truth and a few things that really stuck for me were; Who are you living your life for? College isn't for everyone surrender to God and see where and what he has intended for you and to love people just as they are no judging on how they dress who they hang out with or how they're living their life. God just wants us to love on each other!

Okay so why do these things stand out the most from his whole message? Well, I've been struggling with who I am, where my life is headed, what my future beholds, etc... It is very hard to be me right now, I'm not throwing a pity party. I'm just not sure what in life I'm supposed to be doing. It's hard to surrender yourself to God when there is so much pressure coming from everyone on me continuing my education (education is important and I'm thankful for the education that I've had so far, I also look forward to more education down the road if God is willing). When I was growing up it's all I knew once you graduate from high school the next step is college, but I never stopped to ask God if that's the path he has chosen for me. This is thought provoking, especially now because I am quite busy with college applications to transfer to a four year university. What if God has another plan for me? Do I listen? What about what my parents want for me? I want to please my family by getting a degree, but then I might not be listening to God... I also need help with the love everybody part... you know how easy it is to be people watching and you start guessing and judging how people live, I need help to not do that! (Do you see where I'm getting at?)

So with you all as my witnesses I SURRENDER, hold me accountable to my word and to God's word. If you see me start to stray away from this newly paved path call me out on it. So here I am on my knees surrendering to the name above all names, my Lord God Almighty.